Long part of a long journey
Well, nobody said it would be easy. Certainly it’s not. But, given time and the right environment things can start to become a lot more ‘normal’ or easy to deal with. Guess it’s also a confidence thing too, where before I’d feel nervous or shy in public, I now feel like I have just as much right to be anywhere as anybody else. While someone may have made me feel uncomfortable staring at me or whispering about me; now I don’t really mind. It is just getting used to things.
Also one thing I’ve found myself not worrying about so much is if people think I’m a woman or a man or whatever. I know who and what I am, and there is not a single thing that anybody on the face of the planet could say to change what I really am. Someone could say to me “you’re a man” but that wouldn’t make me a man. I’m a woman, and happy.
Things are going to get a little tough in the next few weeks while I move house and get settled into somewhere I can hopefully stay for a long time. Having said that, I also have a holiday coming up; 10 days with queer people which should be another of those life-affirming experiences. Those things that makes me think “I *am* worth it and I have dignity.” Since Pride, I’ve met a huge amount of new people and have been doing a lot of new things, like going to tango class, joining a band, going to events at queer places. It’s really wonderful and I really think I’m carving out a little me-shaped space in London.
Not to say that life will be easy, but it’s definitely good. Each day it gets better and better too!
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I looove you.