There’s good and bad in everything

24May10

Guess when I talk about loneliness, it’s not about having nobody around, it’s more isolation; which I’m feeling quite a lot of at the moment. Things are really good, you know, my life’s going where it should be and for the first time I actually *know* who i am! Seeing myself in the mirror last night, I realised I actually *am* looking at myself – or at least more myself than I ever have done.

I also saw the sadness in my eyes. It was just yesterday that I felt sad, and today I have a lingering feeling of exhaustion. It’s just so hard! Even though it’s a great thing that I can live my life, it’s just so, so hard! Even though I am on my guard about things, I do relax sometimes, and then that’s when something stupid happens. Sometimes I just wish I could have an invisibility cloak and just go about my business. Other times I look at everyone in the world and can’t stand them. At least the ones that make my life that bit more hassle or that bit more unpleasant. How dare they make my life unpleasant?? Of course, this is wasted energy. There’s no real point in worrying about things, and I really should just forget about it all. Although I really really don’t know how the average person on the street would cope, given my experiences. Would they do better or worse than me?

So, I get to live my life closer to the way it should be. But I get to deal with such a massive amount of prejudice that I can sometimes scarcely comprehend it. It comes from absolutely everywhere! At the moment I feel exhausted, and could just disappear forever. Tomorrow I may feel a little better, although I’m just living in this moment right here.

Guess I’m just tired….so, so tired…

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