Life

30Oct09

After talking to the lovely L yesterday, I really thought I should update this blog more. Reading the other posts here, it seems that most were written when I was feeling quite down or negative, so I really should be updating it with more posts of positivity and when I’m feeling good too.

Aside from being in a bit of a grump this morning, which is just transitory and pretty normal really, things are really good in my life.

In other news; I spent a week with my mum, mostly to check she’s ok with things, and she really is. As much as she can be really. Aside from the huge amount of talking she did, I did manage to tell her more about where I was, and where I’m going – which she’s great about!

Almost finished hurty laser treatment, moving slowly through the NHS system and feeling a lot more happy with how I look are another few things that have been really good lately. I actually feel so relaxed and happy with who I am, which is something I never really thought would happen. Guess when you spend so much time thinking that things will always be shit, when they’re not it’s a really lovely surprise. I feel physically more feminine than I ever have done, and actually am starting to feel sexy too! Woah! (^ ^)

I’ve always felt a bit guilty about wearing stockings and wanting boobs, but I don’t feel that way anymore. Really it amounted to me worrying about how people would see me. Surely if I was wearing stockings they’d consider me a cross-dresser or a underwear fetishist, or something. If I wanted boobs then people would think I’m doing this for some sexual reason. But, I know I’m not, and that’s all that really matters. I’m not so bothered about people staring, which incidentally happens less and less every day. There was one guy on the tube last night who kept looking at me, but after exchanging a few glances, he flashed me a big and cute smile. Guess that’s maybe a different reason to be looking at someone (^ ^)

So, life is changing very much for the better. There will be more hard times ahead, but I have the capacity to deal with them. Things will take time, but I can deal with that too. The important thing is that I’m finally being myself and feel just so relaxed about being me! Never thought I’d be here, but I am.

The amazing thing is, that in a few years time I’ll be where I never thought I’d be too! I’ll be that woman I’ve always been!



One Response to “Life”

  1. 1 star

    hey bella, i’m posting a comment here because i want you to re-read this entry and remember how you were feeling when you wrote it. love you xx


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